Sometimes things hit me slowly. I don't mean literally. I mean like even though Matt and I had planned on getting pregnant for almost a year, got pregnant back in July and now are expecting a child in April... it just hit me driving to work this past weekend.... holy shit. I am going to be a mom. A mom! How could I be carrying a baby and not realize that I will be a mom?! It escapes me. I was on the verge of tears with this realization, listening to music loudly in my car on the way to work. It must have been a song that I heard in college during my single days- not that I miss those days, I don't. Oh god I'm glad I went through them and am done with them forever. But I started thinking about how drastically my daily routines will be changed (different and wonderful at the same time), my independence will be cut into pieces, and instead of thinking about what kind of traumas I will be seeing that night on my way to work I will be thinking about my little girl I am leaving behind at home with my wonderful husband. Life is going to be different as a mom. I have been looking forward to being a mom most of my life, and here it is so close.
Want another example?! I thought so. My sister in law asked when visiting this week what the elementary schools were like in the area. Ha! WHAT?! We are going to have a kid in elementary school? Oh my gosh, I really do care a lot about education for our precious little one, but why haven't I looked into this already? I haven't a clue about Idaho's school system... neighborhood schools... what our options are... or even a name of any school in Boise. Geez. I feel like a slacker mom already.
So I have really started to make a point of thinking of "mom things." Like what sweet little skirts I will sew for my daughter, with of course the corresponding leggings, socks, and tiny mary janes. That's pretty important right?! What if she has really long legs like I have? Can I alter her clothing to make it all fit and make her look adorable? I think so. Perhaps I should get on sewing diaper covers- those things are adorable. I started sewing a few things for spud's room... that's mom-ish and very much nesting. Or maybe the huge mom-issues deserve some thought like...how will I encourage my little girl to brush her teeth everyday? Not to fight bed time routines? To be gentle with the dogs? What if she doesn't like to read? Or a million other situations that I am sure I can't even fathom being kid-less. Can I be strong and brave around her when I see a spider that I'd really like Matt to whack the heck out of- but instead show her that nature is beautiful and not scary? And oh my gosh... have you all seen this fantastic youtube video?! It goes along with the spider-killing idea. I'd like to think that I'd be the type of mom that would let my loving child hold and befriend a dead squirrel...but I think I'd freak out and she'd never even get the opportunity to be this sweet and naive. Such a shame.
All big thoughts and questions I will continue to sort out in my head....hopefully not too late into the nights.
Being a mom is a BIG deal, I know...because I have one that is fantastic. Now I get to be one too!