1st birthday plans.

first birthday party inspiration. thanks pinterest for being awesome.
1. carnival birthday party 2. pink straws 3. headband from etsy 4. simple, beautiful birthday party from lovely morning 5. all of my first birthday polka dot inspiration came from an awesome blog- just bella 6. sprinkled with love birthday party 7. cute onesie turned dress 8.  yarn balls for elephant party:inspired by this

 

oh, i love planning. big surprise. i know. but guess who is turning one in... well... 3 months?! crazy.  that means i have a birthday party to plan!! i'm so excited. the only thing that could make it more fun is if cora had tiny friends. she doesn't. so this will be a party for her, but full of grown-ups who love her. next year i'll try to do better, cora.

shhh... don't tell her but i have some ideas a-brewin....

theme: polka dots
color: turquoise (duh)
date: april 13th (she'll be 0.985647 years old actually, but she might not notice)

super fun. i hope you all come.

So a little update... cycle 4 is now over for me. I am not pregnant... and I would be onto cycle #5, but quite frankly I have decided that I don't really want to "try" getting pregnant anymore. Part of me feels like I am giving up, while the the other part feels like I am gaining back my sanity. No more temperature charting or ovulation strips or counting days. It's emotionally exhausting. I know letting this go will also be difficult for me (can we say...control issues?! ha.). But I realized that even if we don't get pregnant within a year- then we technically have "fertility" issues, and I really don't want to go down that road yet. I am still in school, so is matt...so I really don't think we can claim to have issues until we are both out of school, with comfortable incomes. Those stressors are huge in our life right now, and may be playing a bigger role than I had hoped. I will be focusing on opening up my etsy shop, enjoying summer, and then putting all of my efforts into finishing up my last year of nursing school and ultimately passing the NCLEX to become an RN. How sweet is that?! I can't wait. We are both healthy, happy, and young (is 27 still young?! I think so)... so we will enjoy that right now...for I feel soo incredibly lucky to be able to have all that. And to celebrate our summer matt and i went out to sushi last night, complete with kirin and sapporo. It was delicious.Thanks mom and dad- for our anniversary gift for a night out! It was utterly decadent!

I'm normal.

So a little update on the last post... I am now on cycle #4! This means I am normal. 31 days for cycle #3...how awesome is that?! A reduction in stress levels...maybe acupuncture....or perhaps getting off birth control pills, my body is just now back to normalcy...or maybe because my thyroid mass has miraculously disappeared. Oh yeah... I had a thyroid enlargement and growth for the past year. It mysteriously showed up about April 2010... I had it biopsied...no cancer. Just unexplained and heinous. It looked like there was a golf ball in my throat...but not nice and symmetrical...it was lopsided. I had it re-biopsied about April this year just to check on the cancer status...still negative. Which was great. I thought it could have an effect on getting pregnant, hypothyroid and hyperthyroid are both conditions that are bad for trying to conceive. But my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormones) and T3/T4 levels were normal. But maybe they were fluctuating?! Throwing off my cycles?! Maybe. But the mass disappeared in May...and now I have a normal cycle...and my temperature plummeted this morning, like it should. Awesome.

"presumptive" signs of pregnancy...

[here]

So a few weeks ago... I mentioned that I've been taking my temperature and doing the ovulation strips. And it was actually pretty exciting. The strips said I ovulated...and my temperature spiked and is currently high!Regardless of my night shifts I have found that if I take my temp after I sleep during the day...its pretty consistent.

Here's the scoop with BBT (basal body temps) to my best understanding:

Now... the idea is that my temp should be and was a little low (like 97.0 to be exact) in my follicular phase- the phase after you have your period to when you ovulate. This is normally 2 weeks. Then ovulation occurs and your temperature due to a progesterone increase leads to a rise in temperature- called the luteal phase. Mine jumped to 98.0 ish...give or take .2 degrees. This should stay high until the next period, when it drops OR it stays high for over 14 days...and you could potentially be pregnant. Well folks, I am on day 12 of that 14. So I'm getting close to when I see a plummeting temperature and a period just like any of my other cycles OR I get to take a pregnancy test! Well, I guess there is one other "or" in there, I could have a luteal defect and just have a jacked cycle, in which I didn't ovulate, nor have an appropriately timed luteal phase for implantation. I don't really like this last "or" so we will just pretend that one doesn't exist for now.

So of course, needless to say I am hyper sensitive to any symptoms that could give me an early little- hey guess what lindsey...you're pregnant. That'd be fun right?! In nursing school we call those "presumptive signs of pregnancy." For your information...presumptive signs= absence of a period, nausea, or vomiting,  probable signs= positive pregnancy test or enlarged abdomen, positive signs= doppler heart rate or ultrasound. I don't know about you, but personally I think if I puke for no apparent reason that's a pretty positive sign I'm pregnant. But what the hey, we'll just presume at this point. What are the signs should I look out for early pregnancy detection?

• Missed period is the first sure sign of pregnancy: in a few days I could.
• Frequent urination: yes, but I drink lots of water.
• Morning sickness or nausea: Not really, just a dull unease in the back of my throat, radiating to my stomach...Matt thinks it's all in my head. I don't disagree one bit.
• High basal body temperature: Check! 
• Fatigue and a dull feeling: Yes, I get this three nights a week...coincidentally all at work. Weird right?!
• Food cravings and binges: always.
• Food aversions: not really.
• Headaches/ backaches: no.
• Constipation: nope, seriously?! This is a symptom of preggers?!

However I do have...

• Eye twitching. What the heck?! Super annoying. Extremely unrelated I'm sure.
• Clumsiness. I am super clumsy recently. I drop things like crazy, trip on shoes... I think I need to be more mindful perhaps.

So all in all...I feel like normal lindsey. So I think I will get my favorite dawson's white mocha this morning...cycle #4 I think you're due soon.

And side note...an adorable healthy little baby was born the other day to Matt's friends- Dylan and Katie. I saw a sweet little face on his phone, and an absolutely adorable name to boot. Congrats!!... Oh his name is Townes. Cute or what?! We get to hopefully see them in Colorado in a few weeks.

**What were the signs you had before you found out you were pregnant...if any?!**

crafts galore.

Well folks... I have to say I LOVE having a normal life. Just working full time is the most incredible thing ever. I guess I had forgotten how good life can be, so stress-free...so much quality time. With working three nights in a row that leaves me 4 days of freedom. Pure bliss. I have been busy though....with creative endeavors. I will be posting about that later. But I thought I would give you a little sneak peak...

 lots of this adorable fabric

 making lots of strips

 learning how to use one of these fun gadgets (bias tape maker)

...and of course, enlisting matt to help...

I also realized, that while we are still trying to get pregnant....I understand now why people wait to have children after they are done with college. Matt and I were actually stressed out these past years. I hadn't even noticed it. We were used to just having zero free time, so why not throw a kid in the mix?! We are still happy people being soo busy...so we could love a child and be utterly happy being busy parents. Well, now I can't wait to have a normal nursing job- a good income, and have time to really enjoy having a child without the stress of school too. It doesn't change "the plan", its just an observation I made on week 2 of loving summer break. So we will love it if we do get pregnant now...or if it doesn't happen until later.

Back to these creative endeavors... I really miss planning our wedding, having the wedding week...the whole thing. There was something so incredible to be creative, to prioritize spending endless hours collaborating together...just Matt and I, about our future. I think this will be how buying our own home will be- the two of us (or three maybe?!) planning our dream home to live in forever. But right now in the meantime, I am working on something fun, something creative, something adorable, and something utterly exciting. And it involves one of my favorite sites, etsy.

...cycles.

 [ Disclaimer ]

This post may be too much information for most of you... (like for our parents...or potentially our siblings...or even perfect strangers)...I guess that's the downside of having a non-anonymous blog...but if you care to read, please do! I know in trying to get pregnant that I love reading on other blogs about how other couples planned or didn't plan their pregnancy... timing... what they did... advice... and how its not always as easy as it sounds. And it's refreshing to hear real stories, brutally honest and all. So here is what I am up to...             

Ovulation Kits!
I chose to buy an ovulation kit because quite honestly I don't know what the heck my body is up to...like I've mentioned before. My cycles (which I now call them cycles instead of the ever so discouraging and constricting term "month") are anywhere from 23-52 days. Sweet, right?! Right. So when I tell people we are trying to get pregnant, they are kind enough to check in and ask again a month later with excitement in their voices...are you pregnant?! And... I have yet to even complete one cycle, nor do I know where I am at in that cycle...half way?! near the end? close to spewing all over the floor?! I haven't the slightest.

[ this is how the LH surge picked up in OPKs correlate to ovulation, found here ]

This month I couldn't bear to spend $126 for the clear blue monitor that I talked about here....nor the $30 for the 30 test strips [prices found on amazon]. I decided to go a much cheaper route, for now. I bought Target's (big surprise there right?!) Ovulation Predictor Kit (or the abbreviation OPK - I am new to all these TTC terms -Trying To Conceive). Its about $15 for this 20 strip package. I thought it was a good deal for an at-home science experiment.

 [ the kit contents ]

[ detailed instructions of positive vs. negative and what to do ]

 [look at this cute little container to hold all the strips]

I have been doing these OPK strips for this whole cycle so far (currently on day 17 of ?!)... and its been about the same result within the negative realm. Its kind of fun, its like taking a pregnancy test without the pressure...or shelling out the big bucks.

 [ may 11... negatory ]

[ may 18...also pretty negative ]

Basal Body Temperature

Ok... I have been majorly fighting this internal debate as to whether or not I should subject myself to daily temps. I know, I pee on a stick daily, why couldn't I just take my temperature?! Well I'm going to start. With the encouragement from jennifer- from girl of the grove, my acupuncturist, a few nurses at work, and many other TTC blogs...I will be trying this. I love making lists, and I also love making spreadsheets as it turns out. So I made an excel spreadsheet to chart my daily temps, cycle, work schedule, exercise, stressors, any "symptoms", and lots of other categories that I managed to squeeze in there. Its like journaling.... but easier and compact. So now, with my shreadsheet, temperatures are all of a sudden fun! I will keep you updated on what I find... if I was right about being all over the place with my irregular sleep schedule or if I was judging the method a little too quickly. I will however still refuse mucus checks.

Oh... but what did I decide to do about my night shift dilemma?! Well according to here, they said that after my night shift and I go to sleep in the morning/daytime...then after at least three hours of non-interrupted sleep I can take my temperature upon waking.

And what am I going to do if I get a dip in my temperature or a positive OPK?! I don't really know. I guess I will do some mad google searches at that point. Regardless of anything, we are doing the rabbit thing every other day... so do we need to change that schedule based on these science experiments? I haven't the slightest...

[ snapshots from the wksheet, I couldn't get the full wksheet in an image ]

If you happen to want my spreadsheet that I adapted from babyhopes that you can modify yourself... then email me! Otherwise I will be alone in this crazy worksheet world, color coding my little heart out :)

** update... I got a positive OPK test today- monday. I'm thrilled. That means (potentially) I'm ovulating. Sweet!!**

tiny needles...part II

Well, I guess I need to tell you about my thoughts on my acupuncture appointment.... it was ok. I have to admit, it was not as life altering as it was about 5 years ago. I think I would benefit more from deep tissue massage mixed in there. I need relaxation day to day, to incorporate it into my lifestyle. The truth is I am healthy...young... and need a less busy lifestyle- which is not going to happen. Like Sara over on feed the soil says- you can control the inputs, not the outputs. I can't control how busy my life is with my obligations but I can control how I respond to them. I did feel really relaxed from my appointment, it was great to be able to talk to someone about my thoughts, whats really going on with my body, and to be more mindful of all of the changes going on in my life...and how they effect me. So after my 2 hour appointment I decided a few things, a few things really resonated with me, and a few things I will just let go of.

What I can do:

• She thought that I had some liver imbalance issues...liver and spleen qi stagnation. And I agree with her. I know... I've gone off the deep end. But, I really do buy into this stuff. I think a good mix of eastern and western medicine is awesome. According to my symptoms...premenstrual and otherwise, i agree with those organs being the affected, and somewhat malfunctioning ones. So she gave me an herbal supplement- Xiao Yao San. This should also help increase my energy level, help regulate my menstrual cycle, keep blood flow moving, and relieve menstrual pain.

• Green-spirulina, wheat grassy and chlorophyll drink was recommended for detoxifying my liver. I will be buying this at the co-op and drinking it daily. There are about 500 to choose from, so I need a little more guidance from her on which would be best.
• I will continue to take these prenatal vitamins...that I get at Costco.

• Deep breathe. She said that each time you take a full deep breath you massage your liver... how sweet is that?! Or... gross. Either way, I feel so amazing each time I take a full deep breath that I need to do this more often. And more importantly...at work.
• Incorporate exercise into my week. When she asked me what I do for exercise...I tried to think about when do I actually have free time to exercise?! Well I didn't...and I don't prioritize it either. I told her that I am practically running 12 hours a day, hard at work. She didn't think this was so hot. She wants me to do something that I love, that gets me moving, my whole body energy flowing...not just burning calories like I do at work. So, with the help of these new cruisers...I will be biking, frisbee-throwing, and enjoying the outdoors. And I am thinking of taking a zumba or yoga class this summer...to be determined.
• Eat healthfully... which for me primarily means...reduce sugar (I think I'm a sugar addict). I love baked goods, I don't really eat candy bars, but I love cookies, muffins, hot chocolate...you get the point. I need to cut back. Its just as bad for my liver and pancreas to keep regulating my body with so much sugar roaming around in there.

What I can't do:

• She wanted to me to ideally not have sex for 3 months!! WHAT?! I laughed when she said this...I don't think she appreciated it. She would like for the weekly acupuncture appointments to take affect for 3 months, then have a perfectly calm, healthy, and ready body for pregnancy. I understand this however- pushing aside my instant thoughts of her not only making a ton of money off of me in 3 long months- but that these 3 months of summer break are going to be the least stressed out, healthiest my body will be. Once August comes I am thrown back into school and hectic schedule- so no... I will not be waiting 3 months.
• After this, she said well...ok... I won't be as rigid with you, you aren't having true infertility problems, so just let me know if you will be having sex. HA. Again. No thanks. I am all for being open...but seriously?! I am TRYING to have a baby. That requires sex, according to my research.
• Mucus checks and basal body temperatures... yep. She wants me to track those. And I just don't want to nor do I think my night shifts accommodate for consistent results. And I am sure that my adrenalin surges in true trauma situations at work don't work well with body regularity. Just a hunch.
• Weekly appointments... I don't really feel a huge connection with her to want to spend my hard earned money to go every week... the idea of dishing out that much money is stressful in itself. I think twice a month could be ideal.

counting the days...

here.

It's weird to be counting days until a potential period. For all of my life, every month I couldn't wait to have my period. It was a monthly confirmation that I could continue on living my life the way that I wanted to, on my schedule.  But now, I am just hypersensitive to any "symptom" I may be having. It's just rather silly. A nurse at work was telling me about this ovulation kit that worked wonders for her. In all of the incredible baby blogs I have been reading and just soaking up all of their wealth of information I hadn't heard any mention of using the ovulation kit, so I didn't think too much of it. It can be hard to make a baby, especially if you have a totally weird, unpredictable cycle. So I didn't want to go overboard with planning...like the temperature and mucus (nasty just typing it!) checks. It was too much...but this ovulation kit, I like that idea. Then you know a range of when to have sex based on your LH levels. The rabbit thing is fun, but this could cut out some of the guess work. I have to do some research, and think about it for next month if this one is a single-red-line month. Anyone had any experience with these kits?!

here.

Nurse says...

I went to my nurse midwife appointment... like I said because of my freak-out seen here. And first of all...she is fantastic! I have never had an OB/GYN doctor actually just sit and talk with me. Usually you're on the table, super uncomfortable, half-naked, and trying to get to know your doctor before they run out the room to the next patient. Nope, not here. She was extremely attentive and thorough. I loved it. She was super comforting and pretty much told me... to be patient. It's all normal, and when it isn't normal she will take action. But so far, I need to try not to worry myself. I should be getting back to my normal schedule any day now, I am not pregnant- ectopically or otherwise...and once I haven't had my period for 3 months, then it can be induced. She also checked my TSH level... because I have a thyroid situation going on-which could definitely throw off my ovulation, growing a healthy spud...etc. So she will be watching my levels closely, which is nice. I feel like she knows me better in one visit than my ENT surgeon I have been meeting with for a year now. She also understood how stressful it must be to want to try to get pregnant...and we just can't even try! I am not sure if my experience was true for all of the practitioners in the office, or if this was the difference between nurse midwives and docs. But I'm happy with my choice. She said she'd love to be my CNM for when I do get pregnant... I said I'd love to be pregnant... she said we can do that. I think it will be a great relationship. So now I just have to have a little more faith in my body that it will do what it needs to.

the in-between....

...there is something extremely definitive about a "not pregnant" instead of the lack of a red line...

So I kind of half-figured that it might take some time to be able to conceive. After all I had been on birth control pills for 8 years... but then the other half of my mind thought that perhaps I'd get pregnant right off the bat without much consideration. However, I never guessed that I'd be right in-between. Now that we have been preparing ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally for the past 4 months... I have zero period and I am not pregnant. What the heck?! How does this happen?! 50 days sans embryo or period?! Just plain-o-lindsey. Let me tell you... it's mildly (ok, moderately) frustrating. Which I am sure doesn't help a darn thing. We are ready to get going with this spud-making...So I scheduled an appointment with my certified nurse midwife (that I ultimately want to deliver our potential spud) to have a gynie appointment, and as it turns out a pre-conception appointment all rolled into one. And hopefully we get some answers.

Now, I am proud to announce that I have a new plan... it's called... throw out the plan. No more plan, no more stress to adhere to our ideal plan, whenever it happens, it happens (and hopefully it does happen)...nursing school conflicts or not. Can they really hold me back a semester if I fulfill all of my requirements, clinicals, assignments?! Will they really not hire a qualified pregnant nursing grad?! No. That's discrimination... right?! (I hope) AND... I'm having a glass of wine with dinner until this alleged "monthly period" comes back!

saying goodbye to wine...

...the invitation I made for our wine tasting party and the picture was taken with my new camera, that I absolutely LOVE...

So in honor of saying goodbye to wine for a few years we decided to throw a wine tasting party with our Idaho friends in January. It was a blast! Each couple brought their favorite wine, at the door I threw it in a bag with a number on it and lined them up. We then tasted (who am I kidding...we devoured...) about 10 wines, white and red...without knowing the names of the wines or seeing their cute labels. We scored the wines individually then unveiled the bottles... we were shocked. Our favorite wine was...Carlo Rossi. What the heck?! Matt and I could have sworn our favorite wine all of these past years was a nice old vine marietta. Nope. Surprisingly the ol' carlo jug is our palette's wine of choice.

So as we all drank into the night, my girlfriends told me about how some of their pregnant friends were told by their doctors that they could have a glass of wine every night. That these pregnant women were so stressed out, that if a glass of wine mellowed them, then perfect. Seriously drinking during pregnancy?! Interesting. Pregnant women are incredibly hard to do studies on, how much alcohol is okay? At what point do you have the risk for fetal alcohol syndrome? Not that I will be drinking alcohol anymore, but its an interesting idea... how much do we really know about that prenatal period?! I am sure there will be a whole slew of items to avoid 20 years from now.

some huge questions...

[my journal]

Depending on the day, sometimes the hour, we have wavering feelings of capability to be having a child. We have some huge questions that we have asked ourselves, and continue to daily. This is where reading other wonderful blogs is incredibly helpful. Just seeing that other couples are taking this huge leap and succeeding. I have found it also helps me to read books about what to expect, how to budget for a baby, and talking to other people at work in the exact same situation- same health insurance, same 12 hour long days of work, and all the while maintaining great relationships with husbands/wives they love. I have found that if I write them down in my journal, then I am better able to address our concerns based on feelings, research, and thoughts in an organized manner. But as you can tell, I love making lists.

Some of our big questions...

-how do we have time for a spud?
-do we have enough money?
-should we wait?
-what will our schedules look like with school and work?
-can we keep our house clean, yard picked up?
-how about with 3 dogs and a spud?
-how can we balance our time?
-can we handle school? w/ pregnancy? w/ baby? w/ appointments? w/ a sweet little face looking up at us when we have other less fun obligations?
-will nursing clinicals allow a pregnant student? give slack with due dates when delivering?
-insurance costs? day care?

Do you have any big questions about rearing a child? How it will affect your lives? Any advice?

maternity leave...spud days.

All of this planning may sound crazy, but I love planning!! I am a list maker, if that wasn't already obvious. So of course I am planning my maternity leave. I know it will be absolutely the hardest thing to go back to school and work with our new spud at home. It is not ideal, but it has to happen. But the time off I do have has to be realistic. We need to find a balance between the amount of money we need to live on and how precious our time is being new parents. Fortunately I do get maternity leave- due to the family and medical leave act. Yay!
 I get to have 3 months of un-paid leave regardless for giving birth to a child, then half of that time off is 66 2/3% of my base salary paid leave (tiny amount, but we can make do)...so that's 6 weeks of partial pay. Then if I want the other 6 weeks paid I need to save up my PTO (paid time off) I accrue every paycheck. Because I work a different number of hours every week (36-50 hrs) I get a different amount of PTO each paycheck, its unreliable and rather difficult to figure out. So I made a spreadsheet to keep me on track with how many hours I am accruing and to encourage me to save them for a worthy cause... spud days!!
So here is my spreadsheet in excel that I threw together. I have time to start saving the hours, but also with the holidays I know I need to use some PTO before next year. The total number of hours I need for fulltime pay for 6 weeks is 216 hours!! I have about one year to save hours, each month has 2-3 paychecks (thus paycheck #1,2,3 for each month), then a column for hours I used that month, then the grand total.
I think I can get close, even though I am at a daunting 24 hrs as of yet, however if I have a ton of stressful test weeks next semester or morning sickness days it may throw off my accumulation efforts :( I also plan on working right up until the day I deliver, working in a hospital there is no safer place to do that. Then all of my time off can be with the spud! So we shall see if I get a say in all of this. Anyone have a plan that works? How do you plan to save money?

timing of the spud...

...super cute onesie from etsy...

Well, we told both of our sets of parents about our "plan." We were both a little nervous, sure both sets of parents are incredibly supportive and absolutely wonderful... but we might be rushing things by planning for a baby now, in their minds. Yes, we do have a few things working against us...Matt and I are both in school full time, recently married, we don't have careers/nice salaries, we are working full time, and we have three huge dogs. But we have a plan!!

the "plan"

(this is assuming ideal situations occur, which we are fully aware is difficult, and somewhat out of our control, but we are positive thinkers...)

-try to get pregnant in February/March 2011 (ahh thats soon! 3 months away)

-spud to arrive during christmas break...Dec 2011/Jan 2012, where we have five weeks off from school for delivery.

-deliver in the hospital I work at... nice, reasonable insurance coverage, with my birthing plan in full effect, to be discussed later.

-take 3 months of maternity leave during most of my last semester of nursing school, so that I only have school, not work...more to come later on how I plan to get paid maternity leave.

-utilize wonderful, affordable childcare at my hospital available 7 days a week, from week 1 on... when matt and I both have school at the same time this will be greatly needed, especially without either of our families living in Idaho... so this will probably around 10 hrs/wk.

-be able to be hired in May 2012 when I graduate nursing school, as a nurse...who is a mom. Why do we want a kid before I graduate, why rush it?! Well, I am a little nervous that being pregnant during my preceptorship in my last semester or applying for a real nursing job upon graduation pregnant (that even though its illegal) they will discriminate and not hire me with fear that I would be taking maternity leave shortly after being hired. With soo many nursing grads being cranked out of programs every semester, I want to be able to take the job of my dreams and fully orient to be a real nurse. So with this timeline Matt and I will still be able to have little spuds on our time schedule... sooner than later. Matt will have just a year and half more of school to graduate, when we will be wanting our second child...and have two incomes to support our family.

Awesome. Winter spud.